"HEY WHAT'S YOUR CHEAPEST DILDO!?" i should start keeping track of how many people yell as soon as they walk through the door.
this woman waddles over to the counter and leans forward to catch her breath. she's got her hair wrapped up in a bandana, black tall tee, and swishy pants (with only two stripes--not adidas). i ask her a question, "dildo or vibrator?" i have to ask these things because a lot of the time most people don't know there's a difference or just call every sex toy a dildo and get mad at me/waste my time. in this case, it was a good thing i asked.
"i don't know show me some things." i pick up a couple different items and ask her what she's looking for. "do you want something more for g-spot or clitoris? or both?" i get a blank stare. mouth open. head tilted back. catatonic. "what do you mean? what's that for?" LADY! COME ON! i actually feel bad for people like her just because it freaks me out to think about going through life knowing nothing about my own body...and makes me wonder what other types of things one would be ignorant to.
she's "just lookin today" so i go back to waiting for something cool to happen. the woman stops. there goes that bottom jaw again. i hear her friend (she had someone with her but she didn't say much. i'm pretty sure she stole something) trying to get her attention "ey. EY!" the awestruck friend holds up her hand in a *just one second* way and then she speaks. revealing what's on her mind: "hold on i'm tryna find out if he gay." she's looking at a box to a strap-on. on the box is a photograph of a woman wearing the harness, smiling, pointing it towards a man's ass. [the woman looks stoked. this picture really captures the spirit of the product]
i was content with eavesdropping, having no active role in the conversation when i was pulled in.
"hey excu-use me i want to ask you a question. would you ever poke your nigga in the ass? ain't that shit gay?"
i was annoyed. this woman was rude from the moment she showed up and her stupidity was at this point making me feel angry. so i explained to her "well, prostate stimulation doesn't have anything to do with sexual orientation. and homosexual means same sex so if you're doing it then no, no it's not gay." i lost her at prostate. her jaw flapped open and she cocked her head to the side. luckily she hadn't realized i was being a bitch (she definitely would have won in a fight) "hmph. shiiit, i wish my nigga would do that."
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