reach out and touch someone

5.22.10

the mother-daughter team is a porn shop classic. but this duo set themselves apart as soon as they walked in. the mother was walking with a cane, incredibly slow (though not as slow as her slurred speech). the daughter looked like a million generic punk girls in a black hoodie, hair kind of messy, biting her lip ring, she spoke first:

baby: holy shit do i know you?
me: i don't know maybe.
baby: i swear i just saw you yesterday. where were you at?
me: [i told her where i'd been hanging out] maybe you were there?
baby: no. i swear i just went in to apply somewhere and saw you....do you work anywhere else?
me: not really.
baby: oh. fuck man i don't know. nevermind who cares.
me: right on. so what's up?

just then mama finally made her way around to me. aside from the cane, i notice her eyes are half-closed and most of her skin is hanging off of her. like post-gastric bypass style. with one hand on the counter, she uses a lot of energy to lift her head and look me in the eye. seemingly exhausted, she starts talking.

mama: do you sell vibrators for the clit?
me: oh yeah those are right here.
mama: [picking up a pocket rocket] i bought this one it was just like this but on a keychain and it had three little dots on the top of it. it was really strong. do you have that?
me: no. i know the one you're talking about, though. i can show you something kind of like it.
mama: ok yeah let's see what you have.

i grab a few items and take them over to her at the counter. taking advantage of how close we are to each other, she starts telling me about her life.

mama: i was in the business for 25 years you know? working as a phone sex operator.
me: that's kind of awesome. did you make good money?
mama: oh yes.
(her daughter hears us talking and walks over for a minute)
baby: what's she telling you?
mama: i was just telling her about how i used to do the phone sex.
baby: oh yeah. [she smiles at me and walks away]
me: so why don't you do that anymore?
mama: oh i just got tired of it. 25 years is a long time to do anything.
me: i'm sure it was fun though.
mama: oh it was. i still love to talk dirty. i just don't get paid for it anymore.

i help her decide on the vibrator she wants and she looks around some more....at bumper stickers. meanwhile her daughter is wandering. mama calls for me from the dvd section.

leaning in close enough for me to feel her breath, she starts to fill me in on why her trip to the store was so important.

mama: i'm trying to pick out some things i can send to my boyfriend. i want to send him a package before he comes to see me. i've been with him since december but we've never been together.
me: that's exciting. so what are you going to send him?
mama: well he calls me baby muffin. do you have any stickers here that say muffin or baby muffin or something about being dominant or submissive? he's the dominant one in our relationship.
me: no i don't think so.
mama: ok then what about dvds?
me: sure. what kind do you want?
mama: do you have any bisexual ones? one with a man having sex with another man and a woman. he's bisexual and he told me he got a playgirl the other day and really like it.
me: well we have some here.
mama: which one is good? can i tell you what he likes? he likes men with really nice bodies. he's into bodybuilding so he likes men that are in shape. he says to me, "a man's cock is beautiful." do you have anything he'd like?

i grab a few random dvds and she picks a couple gay ones.

mama: what about these? do any of these have black men in them? he thinks they have the best cocks.
me: [i grab the dvds out of her hand and check] no. all white. well this guy looks latino.
mama: do they have hard bodies?
me: yeah, seems like he'll like this one. the other one looks a lot older.

baby: hey can we get goin now? what are you doing? don't send him a whole bunch of crap just to be sendin it.
mama: ok ok. we can go now. i better get some batteries too. give me two packs of them.

she mumbled something to her daughter at the register while she paid and they left.

less than an hour passes....

the phone rings. on the other end is a familiar voice.

"the vibrator you just sold me is broken. i apologize for sounding like such a bitch. i'm not even supposed to be driving because i just had back surgery. ok? i'm taking oxycontins and all kinds of other medicine right now. i don't even have a car so i have to wait for my friend to come over. she said she'll let me borrow her car to go grocery shopping and do what i need to do. i apologize i really am sorry. what was your name sweetheart?"

"sara."

her second visit to the store didn't last as long but she packed a lot of biographical information in there for me.

she explained to me that she was so frustrated because the toy stopped working before she got a chance to use it on the phone with her "boyfriend." and that's when she started to tell me all about their relationship.

she told me about three more times that he thinks "a man's cock is beautiful" and that she was just going to be with him for the first time memorial weekend.

mama: you know, some of my friends think i'm stupid or crazy for being with him. they just don't understand. we talk on the phone a lot besides the phone sex and he just starts talking and i get so lost...he told me he'd take a bullet for me. nobody's ever cared about me like that before. my friends think that it's crazy that we've never seen each other before. they tell me i should protect my heart. i won't listen to them.
me: do whatever you want.
mama: that's right i'm going to. do you remember in february when it snowed a lot? he sent me flowers. he told me he loves me. remember we had a snowstorm? i didn't get my delivery that day because of it and then look...
(she fumbled around with her phone for a minute. apparently looking for a picture)
...here it is. i was on the phone with him when they came. he said. what day is today? today is george washington's birthday and i'm in love with you.

for a second she looked alive. just a second, though.

mama: i'm going to bring him in here when he comes to see me. you can see what he looks like. i want to get a tattoo, too. who does them? he calls me baby muffin so i'm either going to get it to say that right here [points to vagina] or it'll say "daddy's pussy"
me: that'll be awesome.
mama: yeah. ok well i'm going home now. this one you gave me works, right? and you put the batteries in there for me?
me: yep. you're all set.
mama: ok have a good weekend, sara. you've been such a sweetheart.


there had been a girl at the counter waiting to pay for a minute. when i apologized for the other woman lingering for so long, she said to me:

"oh, i thought you guys were friends."


i wish.