in the name of the cripple, the bowleg, and the six dollars they spent

i'm standing behind the counter like always when three women walk in two women walk in pushing a wheelchair. one is tall and thin presenting a decent amount of cleavage. the other is short, fat, bow-legged, and appears to be wearing the same size shirt as the thin one. the woman in the wheelchair has two-inch long fake nails, tinted glasses, fake lashes, a ring on every finger, gold watch, and red lipstick. she also has one leg [good thing i have an amputee phobia] covered in fishnet and on her one foot, a 4-inch stiletto. "stilos" (pronounced stee-lows) she calls them. once i've taken it all in, i look away and say hello to the trio. the big girl squeals at the sight of a high-heel shoe chair before straddling it and exclaiming, "imagine the shit you could do on this, girl!" i laugh which causes her to look over her shoulder at me-still hugging the chair-smile, and say "oh, how you doin?" hell of an entrance.
the thin girl picks up some display shoes and starts to try them on. i let her know about some sale and the lady in the chair says, "ooh look they got my stilos!" and asks me what comes in a 9. i can't put words to how uncomfortable i was when i bent down to help her and found myself inches away from where her right foot would have been. i tried hard not to show how legitimately afraid i was when she asked, "now, do i get half off since i only need one shoe?" that was all it took. from then on, we were cool. and i said to her, "that's great...i'm sure you mess with people all the time like that."
"oh i have to...i'll ask if i can get half off shoes or if there's anyway i can get two lefts. girl, you should see the way people look at me when i say all that." the big girl looks at me and says, "really, she do. everywhere we go."

hung out by the shoes for a minute before the crew made their way to "all the nasty stuff back there." big girl sees something she likes: "CLONE-A-DICK! so i can really tell that boyfriend to get the fuck on. after i get a clone of his dick." all three laugh and the one-legged woman *high-fives who i've learned by now are her daughters. they browse some more before the daughters walk around the counter and leave their mother. the big girl says, "mama, come here." then i hear, "child, i can't move over there i've got too much stuff in my hands." i look up and notice the woman's chair is facing opposite the direction she needs to go, she's got a purse in one hand, and a paper bag in the other. i offer to hold something for her and she hands me the paper bag which i set on the counter. i wanted to look inside so badly but i didn't...when they left she said "oh i forgot my tacos" for those of you were wondering. anyway, i take her bag and she reverses it and rolls toward her girls.

i knew she'd flip over the stocking selection since it was obvious she took pride in her leg, what with the way she had decorated it and all. i learned she had a penchant for lace and took a mental note that we needed some more of that on my next order. her daughters browsed and brought over a nurse outfit to show her. "oh you wanna play doctor? i'm gonna clean him up and beat his ass in that."

i sensed our time together was coming to an end when i rang up some fake eyelashes for mom and a pair of fishnets for the skinny, silent daughter. the big girl didn't get anything because we were out of the "bigger and better dildo" she had her heart set on. she assured me she would be back. mom said to no one in particular, "soon i get my money on my card, ima rack up on some sexy shit."

the skinny girl headed for the door and big girl got behind the chair. when she went to turn her around she slammed her mom's only leg into a wooden box on the floor and then the wall. her mom said, "oh my goodness, child! destruction!" i couldn't help but laugh. it was cool, they both did the same. the mom talked shit to her daughter about not being a good "driver."


then they rolled out.



*is it a low-five since she's in a wheelchair?