one of the most noteworthy days (i actually took down notes) involved an evangelist, flamboyant pretty boy, and a toilet. so here it is: the first experience i could not help but to write down.
1.08.2010
the beginning of the year was ROUGH for me as far as my personal life so the porn shop was my sanctuary through that time. the day before, i had gotten a lot off of my chest when i had a meeting with my boss so i had a pretty positive attitude going into work. i was dressing a window when a middle-aged, softspoken, conservative-looking guy with perfect teeth walks in (think ned flanders plus jet black hair minus yellow skin). he stood by the door to the window i was working in and that alarmed me at first since he was blocking my only exit (with the nature of the store, you can understand why that might be) anyway...he walks in, leans on the wall, stares and smiles at me for a minute then says "you're doing such a good job." i thanked him and continued hammering away but couldn't ignore that he kept looking at me so i took a break from what i was doing and made myself visible to the surveillance system. safety first! another customer walked in, made a quick purchase, and left. ned was standing off to the side, gaze still fixed upon me. when the other guy left i asked him "so do you need help with something?" his response: "i just want to talk to you and try to evangelize you" GRRREEEAAAT. he started in on me asking what such a nice person was doing working in such a terrible place and said "you're better than this." mind you, i have no idea who this guy is and all he knows about me is that i'm short, capable of using a hammer and cash register, and i speak english. i decided since i had little else to do, i'd hear this guy out even though he surely wasn't the first person to try and save me. i still always get a kick out of it. guess i'm a bad person. he used terms like "little one" and "spring chicken" when addressing me and told me all about the end of the world. he informed me that god was returning soon so i had better look at my life and make changes, said he had been studying for a LONG time and that he knew for a fact the world will indeed be ending in 2012. after listening for a while, i let him know that his message would never reach me and that he hadn't been the first to try and added "don't worry, i'm sure you won't be the last." that's when he dropped the nice guy approach and shit got real. he told me i shouldn't be working at the store because of all of the weirdos and homosexuals that come into "these kinds of places." i was willing to listen to him until he started with the ignorance. i told him "for all you know i could be a homosexual." he said "no. you're not i can tell. you're a good person. you don't know what those people do and you should NEVER, EVER trust them." and that was pretty much it for me, i told him he was wasting his time trying to get me to open up to his beliefs so he should try and find someone else to help. a short time after, he left me with the following:
"before i go, i'm going to share with you a prophecy. this year, in 2010, there's going to be a devastating earthquake in california. major. the worst one in all of history. and when it happens, a lot of people are going to die. the entire state will be underwater. now, i want you to promise me something. when that happens, at the very moment you hear about it, if you're at this store...i want you to grab your things and quit your job right then. you won't have very much time after that before god returns. and when he does, you won't want to be working here."
i told him ok and then he left.
ten minutes later, this guy walks in with the whitest of bleached hair and a tan from hell. he opens his mouth and says "girl, oh my god i need to get a few things and i don't have a lot of time before i go get my friend from the airport. would you help me out?" i oblige and it's nothing too crazy. cock ring. some lube. gay porn. pretty standard. then he asks if i have a restroom he can use. this is something i never do because i'd rather not spend my afternoon cleaning up some stranger's fluids--but instead i saw this as an opportunity to test what ned had been trying to tell me. this could be a sign. if i let this homosexual use the bathroom and he doesn't do anything weird, then i am right for trusting him and homeboy was as nuts as i initially thought. if something bad happens, god is real and california is toast. i let him in. dude uses the bathroom, makes his purchase, peace out. i open the bathroom door to peep the scene in there and all is well.
fast forward about 4 hours when the night employee comes in. we were busy so i hadn't had a chance to fill her in on my day when she comes back from putting her stuff away and says "looks like i won't be using the bathroom tonight." i froze. "what do you mean? what's wrong?" she says to me "well the toilet is completely fucked up and when i tried to just flush it, it filled with water and i think it's probably going to overflow." HO.LY.SHIT. i rush to the bathroom, flip the light on and all i see is the toilet, filled to the top with all kinds of disgusting waste floating about. i had to try and plunge it, i couldn't just leave her there for 8 hours with no way to relieve herself. what a bad idea. worst. now there's shitty water all over the floor and it won't stop overflowing. she knows me and knows how i freak out about things but this was different. i say "this is so much bigger than just an overflowing toilet. i only let some guy use the bathroom as a test to see if god really exists and now that it's messed up i feel like this guy who came in here was telling me the truth and california is fucked and a lot of people are going to die."
i mopped, twice, then left for the day with an ache in my head, bleach on my hands, and poop on my shoes.
i'm sure most other people would have seen the situation as a coincidence and moved on but not i. there's no fun in that.
No comments:
Post a Comment