typical morning at work. hardly any customers have come into the store and i'm trying to make myself look busy for whoever might be checking in on me via security cameras when a man walks in. white male, about 6', maybe 30 years old, blonde hair, blue eyes. wearing a green carhartt shirt, dirty jeans, and work boots. i ask him if he's looking for something in particular and he tells me no so i leave him be....for about 15 minutes (that's usually when i'll check up on someone to see if they're ready to tell me what they actually want). when i walked up to him he had this weird smell...i still can't put my finger on it but it reminded me of a mix of clean diapers, clove smoke, and gas. he told me he wanted something to intensify orgasms but he didn't specify male or female so i show him some topical products for both. "i tried those they didn't do what i wanted. i guess i'll just look around." i didn't get the creep vibe right away but after standing so close to him, i could feel it. this would not disappoint me.
a few minutes later, he approaches me
dude: if i tell you what i'm looking for, promise you won't laugh?
me: of course
dude: i really like sucking dick and i love when a guy cums and it splashes all over my face...do you have anything that will make it more like that?
me: [dead serious] we don't but i know they make pills that are supposed to make it spray out sort of...i don't know give guys a "bigger load"
dude: ok well at least i know they make something. can i ask you another question?"
me: sure
dude: what's the biggest dildo you have here?
me: this one.
it's twelve inches and like 2 and a half diameter. dude: i have one like that already. probably a little thicker. i want a bigger one that i can use. can i ask you one more question?
me: what's up
dude: is it bad to do that everyday? (motions toward dildo indicating he fucks himself with it)
me: i'm not sure what you mean but as long as it's not causing problems with your body or your work or relationships i don't see why it would be.
dude: it's such a pain sometimes....being bisexual
me: ok well if you don't have anymore questions i'll leave you alone. sorry we don't have what you're looking for. (smile)
this guy walks around for ten more minutes. browsing the women's lingerie. picks up several thongs and holds them up to himself. catches me peeking* at him through an open space on the counter, thanks me, and walks out.
great guy.
* i am probably in the top 1% of creepiest people to step foot in the building
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