live, learn, love (doll)

the first time this guy came into the store, i wasn't actually there but i got a phone call immediately after he left...

clerk: um so i just need to tell you about my last customer.
me: what's up?
clerk: this guy came in here and he was acting kind of weird. he wouldn't stop talking about the mannequin and how beautiful she was. first he asked if he could buy it and just kept talking about it.
me: huh?
clerk: it gets better. he ended up buying a robe set and went on about how beautiful it was and how he was getting it for his girlfriend. his LOVE DOLL.
me: (lolz) no way! i'm so bummed i wasn't there!
clerk: he said he was going to come back and get all the other colors, too...that's how much he liked it.
me: well was he creepy at all?
clerk: kind of...he kept mumbling to himself and i think there was something wrong with him.
me: is he gone now?
clerk: yeah but he said he's coming back. just wanted to tell you about it.
.............

the very next day i was getting ready to leave and the same girl was there to relieve me when a guy walks in. he was a shorter guy with a crew cut and a moustache. he was wearing an old t-shirt from a local radio station and had it tucked into his dad jeans. he seemed nervous, looking around at everything and walking kind of fast. he was also mumbling something to himself. his voice was nasaly. i could tell by the way the girl's face and neck started to turn beet red that i had better stick around. he made it to the counter before she was able  to explain why she was nervous. just as she was writing something down, his eyes lit up and he said to her, "hey my girlfriend looked really good in that robe! i came back to get something else." i already had it figured out when she slid me the note: LOVE DOLL.

love doll: [to clerk] thanks for all your help last night!
clerk: [uncomfortably] hi
me: [to love doll] oh did she help you out yesterday?
love doll: yeah i bought my girlfriend that purple robe that you have on the mannequin. i came back to show you a picture. *he pulled out his flip-phone and held it up to her* she really likes it.
clerk: .....
me: ooh i wanna see
he showed me his phone and right there in a purple, satin robe, was a blow-up doll...just your everyday, plastic, inflatable, wide-open-mouthed-three-holed sex doll. despite the fact that the other girl was obviously uncomfortable, i couldn't help myself. the girl walked away and i started asking questions...

me: so that's your girlfriend? what's her name?
love doll: lucy.
me: niiiice, why lucy?
love doll: it's what it said on the box.
me: right on. so you were just in here yesterday, what's up?
love doll: well that looked so good on her i wanted to get something to go with it. i want to buy all the other colors but right now i don't have very much money. what do you think she'll like?
me: did you get any fishnets? that'd look good with it.
love doll: that's a good idea. what ones should i get?

i grab a pair of thigh highs and tell him they're a good choice because he won't have to worry about them getting in the way.

love doll: yeah, she'll like these.

i start ringing him up and ask more questions like when he got the doll, all about their past. that's when he told me he was a truck driver. "i wanted to take a girl on the road with me but the company i work for wouldn't let me. insurance. so i bought her and she can go everywhere."

i really didn't know what to say besides, "that's cool. hopefully these work out. hey if you really want that black one (robe) i can put it on hold for you."

we worked out the details of when he'd be coming in again and he left after a few minutes.

and did he come back. like once a week for a few months straight. at first he stuck to lingerie for his "girlfriend." we would always talk for a long time whenever he came in--mostly because i needed to know about this guy--and he always had a new picture of lucy to show me. it became routine. he must have thought so, too because he eventually took it to the next level.

love doll: hey sara i was looking for something for myself today. can you help me?
me: of course. what are you thinking?
love doll: i want something i can use by myself. to masturbate.
i showed him all of the pocket pussies we had but he wasn't going for it.
me: something like this?
love doll: um, uh, actually i want something more like this. [points to a 10" dildo] can i tell you something?
me: sure, what?
love doll: i like to wear women's clothes sometimes and use these things on myself. is that weird?
me: nah, everyone's got their thing.
love doll: yeah because i really like the way skirts feel.

just then i noticed he was staring at my feet.

love doll: i really like those shoes. those are nice.

i look down at my shoes and say thanks. then i looked up, and halfway back to eye contact, i noticed something. a raging boner. thank god his pants were done up, though it looked like they might give at any second. normally, i would have gotten a little pissed and walked away but i was pretty sure he had no idea...since he was kind of "slow." <--- a fact that concerned me when he told me about the truck driving

me: [back to the subject at hand: big fake dicks] yep this is all of them now you just have to decide which one you like. let me know if you need anything else.

i walked away so he could calm down and figure out what he wanted. he bought the 10" and left. he came in the very next day to apologize for saying something about my feet. "you're my friend and i don't want to offend you so i'm going to be a man and say i'm sorry." apology accepted, friendship intact.

a week goes by. i get a phone call. it's him. he wanted to know when i'd be working because he had just bought a new leather skirt that he had on layaway and wanted to show me. of course i told him when to come in--later friday night.

from the back of the store i heard the door chime. i looked up and saw it was him. he seemed nervous. he had on a jean jacket that he was holding closed so tightly, his knuckles were white and he scanned the entire store before saying anything. i started walking toward him and besides the radio, the only sound was the clicking of heels. i was in flats.

love doll: i came to show you something.

he rounded the counter and at the same time opened his jacket to reveal himself (not like that).

there he was, moustache and all, in a black silk blouse, black leather mini skirt, stockings, and heels.

me: DANG, lookin good!
love doll: you think so? i was nervous, this is the first time i've gone out in public like this but i promised you i would.
me: that's awesome! and you don't need to be nervous here, nobody cares.
love doll: yeah i just wanted to show you because you're so nice to me and don't make me feel like this is weird.
me: aw, you don't need to feel like a weirdo or anything. i don't care what you feel like wearing.

we shot the shit until some other customers came in and he left. said he needed to go home and change because he was meeting some friends at a bar and they didn't know about his love for women's clothing. after that night, it was an ongoing thing with him. he'd call to see when i was working, i'd tell him, he'd get dressed up and come see me. at some point he stopped buying things altogether and would just come to hang out for a little while.

love doll: do you know anywhere i can go and meet other people who like to dress up like this?
me: you should look on the internet. you can find message boards and groups to join and i'm sure there are some parties you could find that way, too.
love doll: yeah because i like going out like this now. i don't get nervous anymore but i still don't think i could go meet my friends at the bar this way.
me: think you'll get your ass kicked?
love doll: yeah i don't know what they'd think about it.
me: well just look online like i said and i'm sure you'll find something.

the time i saw him after that, he had lipstick on. still hadn't shaved, though. AND he was going to the bar like that. turns out he took my advice and ended up making friends with a lot of people who shared his interests.


i felt good for helping him out. i figured it better for him to be open and honest with himself then try to hide it and end up snapping one day. we were friends. he even brought me a christmas card. but his visits became less and less frequent as his social life outside of the porn shop blew up. he still called on a pretty regular basis up until april. i haven't seen him since march and sometimes i wonder what he's up to. maybe i'll see him again someday: my white trash, doll-loving, cross-dressing friend.

be vewy, vewy cweepy

5.21.10

we open at ten and by five after there were already three people in the store when in walked a fourth. this guy stood out against the other random customers walking around....i got an uneasy feeling when he walked in. his head was shaved. a short man made to look even shorter by his cut-off-cargo-pants-socks-pulled-up combo. i write down "elmer fudd" on a piece of paper. he was looking at shoes the entire time there were other people in the store and as soon as we were alone he made his move. back toward the magazines...i was safe. still aware of his presence, although oblivious to his exact location, i went back to counting.

made my way to check my phone behind the counter for a second before i catch something in the corner of my eye. this guy is crouched down next to me. looking me dead in the eye. at this point, i'm even more creeped out but he seems familiar so i go with it.

"oh sorry. did you need something?"
elmer: do you have any of those shoes over there in another size?
me: no that's all we have left. that's why they're on sale. would you like me to call another store?
elmer: ah that's alright. i already stopped by your other store over there at [i'd tell you but i'd have to kill you] i was just looking for my friend. i like buying her shoes but i'm not too sure about the size. i just tried calling her but she hasn't answered.
me: maybe she's sleeping. it's still early.
elmer: yeah maybe. but i haven't been able to get ahold of her for about two weeks. she needed some money so she took off to work as a carny. i don't know where she's at right now but she isn't calling me back.
me: (dying inside) something must be up.
elmer: yeah, i know. but i don't want to just buy them without talking to her first because shoes are meant to be worn and loved. i'm not gonna buy any for her unless she loves them. i love shoes. shoes and boots...you women don't know what it does to us when you're walking around with pretty, painted toes.

we talk for a minute and he walks around the counter when another person walks in.
then out.
and then we're alone again.

elmer walks up to me and by now he's sweating. it's gross. since his head's shaved i can't tell where it's coming from. i cringe at the thought of sweat dripping on the counter when he leans on it to continue his story.

elmer: there was this other girl i used to buy presents for. i really like to help my friends. she was a manager at a mcdonald's but she was a fetish model, too. i used to buy her all kinds of crazy heels and boots. i took her shopping and it was like i was releasing my inner richard gere. you know like in pretty woman?
me: that's nice of you.
elmer: yeah well i'm gonna go to this document-shredding event coming up. i went last year. the fetish model, that's the last time i saw her. she hasn't been on facebook or anything like that. but that's why i'm going this year. she'll be there.

(the next thing he said, he whispered as though it were some big secret)

"i'm really going to just remind her that i'm hotter than the guy she's with now."

IDOUBTIT

the conversation continues...

elmer: i took her shopping for a whole bunch of clothes once. you know what size she wears? a zero! it was hard to find her size in anything. you know, you're the kind of person i'd go for. i don't care what's up top, you could be flat. actually, that's better.

me: (taken aback by the sudden shift of focus to my body) oh. people are into all kinds of different things i guess.
elmer: when's your birthday?
me: it was last week
elmer: you're kidding. mine's may 16th. you know who else is a sixteener?

"Debra Winger

Tori Spelling

David Bonanza, Borener...the guy from Angel and Bones

Megan Fox

Jack Morris

Billy Martin

Pierce Brosnan

Janet Jackson, who just got her hair cut and looks fantastic"

there's a lot of us out there, man. 

he tells me a story about getting drunk and lets me in on a secret...burnt toast is good for hangovers. "the charcoal helps absorb the alcohol and stuff that's making you sick and the bread gets the rest." i said i'd try it. 

 

a few more customers come and go and dude is still talking my ear off. sometimes i ask questions to get information out of people but on this particular morning i had work to do so it was starting to wear on my patience. 

and then he snapped his fingers. "i remember you now! i talked to you about bands last time i was in here." it rang a bell, i definitely remembered him. and our conversation about bands was nothing more than him rattling off names while i yay or nayed hearing them before. but of course i went along with it.

me: yeah i remember you too now. right on. what do you have to do today? <-- my way of trying to encourage someone to leave (of course he didn't get it)

elmer: oh i have a couple jobs to go do today. 

me: yeah? like what? what's your deal?

elmer: i'm a garden designer. and i cut some grass on the side. 

me: that's cool.

elmer: i like to grow pot sometimes, too. i found the perfect spot to start these next ones up. it's behind this comic book shop. man, nobody goes back there. i'll throw the seeds out there, let em sprout up, then i'll take em home and hide em throughout my backyard in different spots. you know, they give off a heat signature that those cameras can pick up so you gotta be careful. listen if you ever want to get into that let me know. i have a lot of tips i can give you.

me: yeah, for sure.

elmer: (looks at his phone) well, i don't think she's calling me back. i was going to help with her rent, by the way. pfft, chyea, whatever. i'll see you around. what's your name?

me: sara

elmer: my one friend calls me damian. like from that band elvis hitler.

me: ok. see  ya.

i wonder how many friends he has.

the doctor is out

3.4.10



The Doctor
two women walked into the store around noon. one said "hello" when she saw me. the other raised her voice to an inappropriate volume and let me know "y'all should put an entrance in the back. i don't want nobody to be seein' me walkin in here." i don't understand why people like her ever come in to begin with. they're good for nothing but negative commentary and "can't believe" what they see. i wish i could tell them to either get over it or just get out. but i can't....so i kept my distance. and it ended up working out. sort of.

the quiet friend brought her purchase to the counter and paid. while she was waiting for her credit card to go through, she began a conversation with her friend.

polite woman: did lauren* ever tell you about that perverted doctor she used to see?
loudmouth: no. what doctor?
polite woman: she had gone out with this doctor a couple times and the second night they got together he kept on asking her "what kinds of toys do you have? let me see them? you wanna bring those over my place?"
loudmouth: he was all  up in her business like that?
polite woman: then he told her "having sex with a woman feels like sticking your dick in warm oatmeal." he brought up that oatmeal thing a couple times at dinner and when they went back to his place he said he wanted to show her something. do you know he heated up some oatmeal and started jacking off with it?!
loudmouth: girl, that's nasty.


***update***
the slob with the flashlight came back and ended up buying the basketball pump after all


also on that day, my slave and corset man both called asking for me. i told the slave i was someone else because i didn't feel like dealing with him and i let my cross-dressing friend know that the lingerie i ordered still hadn't come in and to check back the following week.
 ***********

"Pam"
winding down to an hour and a half left of my shift and the phone rings. the voice on the other end belongs to a male. maybe an older gentleman...the kind of voice that would play over a holiday story on some kids tv movie..grandpa-sounding.

grandpa: hi. i'm a pre-op transexual and i've heard that you girls that work there really are pros when it comes to walking in heels and a couple of you really get into it. is this one of those girls right now?
me: [with no clue as to what he is talking about] yes it is.
grandpa: oh so you like to wear those heels? tell me, are you wearing them now?
me: of course i am (NOT)
grandpa: oh that's good. how high is the heel on those?
me: not too tall since i'm working, 4-inch stilettos with a half-inch platform
grandpa: oh yeah. do they hurt your feet?
me: they start to after a while but you have to suffer if you want to look good, right?
grandpa: don't i know it. i work at a club and you should see some of the boots i wear there. the guys that come in there, they like to see a girl limping around. the closer they see girls to tears, the more money they're willing to spend. some of those girls walk around in boots with 8-inch heels and open toes for hours. you can tell they're carrying their weight on the sides of their feet by the end of the night.do you like to wear boots?
me: yes, but i need to get some new ones.
grandpa: i've got so many different pairs of boots. what size are you? i wear a 7.
me: (this guy must be so tiny) i wear a seven, too
grandpa: i'll give you a pair of my boots. what kind do you like? i've got black, red, tan, white, all kinds of different ones. i have one pair with a clear sole and the platform is clear so when you lift up your feet, you can see them all squished into that boot. i make a lot of money with those. do you know what a corn is?
me: yes
grandpa: i have one on my right pinky toe. it's very large, you know it stands up high. i was wearing those boots one night and there was a man sitting by the door. and he was a dentist. he comes there quite often and everyone knows if they want to make some money to get his attention. he got me to take off my boots one night so he could see my feet and when he saw that corn do you know what he did?
me: he bit it.
grandpa: gasp. he did! tell me,  how did you know?
me: i just had a feeling.
grandpa: well then he gave me $50 for it. just to bite my corn. he spent about a thousand dollars that night total. you could make some very good money if you came to work with me. now you said you like boots?
me: yes
grandpa: oh i love them. men do, too.do you have any callouses?
me: not really
grandpa: we'll get you one. i'll give you some boots to wear and give you a nice callous. very sexy and large. that way when you lift your feet and those men see that callous, they'll be dying to rub it for you. and they might even suck on it.
me: well that doesn't sound like a bad way to make money
grandpa: one month of working with me and i'm telling you, you'll make 5-6 grand. i want you to think about my feet. think about callouses, bunions, and corns. men love corns.  can i call you later?
me: i don't give out my phone number
grandpa: would you call me later? i just really would like to talk to you some more. maybe you can come out to the club.
me: i have plans tonight but maybe i'll call you
grandpa: you don't have a boyfriend or husband or anything? because those girls don't last long at the club. they'll hold you back.
me: no. nobody.
grandpa: good. that's very good. here's my number (xxx)xxx-xxxx. call me pam.