training day

summer 2009

in august i had to hire someone to fill a position. my trainee [who came to be known as "the goth"] was a younger girl with black and purple hair and a chronic case of lipstick on the teeth. she also spoke slowly and seemed to be on drugs--i later found out she had been taking some serious medication for a neurological disorder. she also had no retail experience and had never worked alone before (a requirement of the job). despite all of that, she was sweet and since i'm a sucker for anyone i feel has a good heart, i wanted to give her a chance. it was going to be a test for me to see how well i could train someone.

a few hours into her first day, it was pretty slow--usually when it's nice out, we don't do too much business until later. so when two people walked into the door, i figured it would be no problem for her to help them out. then i looked closer and noticed that this was no ordinary couple.

black man/black woman. both homeless. the man was wearing a heavy coat even though it had to be 80 degrees outside and was carrying a paper grocery bag in one of his hands. the woman had a little more going on. starting from the bottom up. brown men's dress shoes. tights. a long gray skirt. a black blouse under a navy blazer that had miscellaneous pins (none too memorable) on the lapel. a blonde, chin-length, curly wig topped off with a baseball cap that said "POLICE." whistle around her neck. she had a plastic THANK YOU bag in her hand containing paper and two empty cans.


before the goth had a chance to greet them, the woman spoke.
police woman: excuse me do you sell dental dams?
goth: [looked at me indicating she had forgotten where they were]
me: oh yeah they're right over here. how many do you need?
police woman: [looks at the man who at this point hasn't spoken] how many you think we need?
man: [whispers in her ear]
police woman: we gonna need about three
me: ok, anything else? [i hand them to the goth and have her start ringing them up while i stand next to her behind the counter]
police woman: no how much are those?
me: one ninety-five
police woman: A HUNDRED AND NINETY-FIVE DOLLARS!? GOOD LORD!
me: no. one dollar and ninety-five cents.
police woman: oh ok girl. how do you use these?
{this is the part where i explained it to her}
police woman: oh can you re-use them?
me: you probably shouldn't. just like you shouldn't re-use a condom.
police woman: well can i clean it off?
an impatient/amused me: you can do whatever you want with them i guess but i'm not recommending you do that. it would sort of defeat the purpose.
police woman: ok i see what you're saying. you know what i'm glad y'all have a store like this around here. there's no place in the city for black girls to get condoms (um, heard of a drug store? liquor store?) and stay safe. that's why they all be having babies and gettin AIDS. you know that's what they tryin to do right? you know what they're doin down in texas? george bush live there and they're lettin girls get raped and not testing them for any diseases. i was at the hospital down there once and i heard some nurses talking...my mom's from puerto rico so i can understand mexican...and i was in there and a girl had been brought in because she got raped and i heard those mexican nurses saying "don't worry about her, she's a nigger anyway. they all already got it."
me: that's terrible
police woman: yeah well george bush don't care. they all act like none of that ain't happenin. you know they rapin and killin black girls down there and leaving their heads up on street signs. such a terrible thing. and nobody knows about it. that's why i gotta tell you.
me: seems like somebody should try and do something. maybe tell the news stations to talk about it.
police woman: yeah girl. i know.
man: [whispers in her ear again]
police woman: well, we better be goin now. i'll definitely be back here. bless you.
the goth: have a nice day.

the goth and i take a moment to reflect while we're alone in the store. after about two minutes, a woman walks in. there's nothing that stands out about her-nothing weird, nothing funny-just a lady in a yellow shirt who came in "just to look."

the door opens. it's the police woman. she yells across the store to me from the entrance "Y'ALL GOT THEM DILDOS THAT MAKE YOU CUM?" and walks up to the register where i'm waiting with her answer. "yes." (honestly, what else would i say?)
police woman: how much those cost about?
me: anywhere from five to a hundred and fifty dollars.
police woman: ok i'll be back for one of those i gotta save my money.

she walks out and leaves. doesn't come back inside.

i had noticed the woman in the yellow shirt shaking her head and i just smile at her. then she says "girl, she crazy"
me: oh no, was she bothering you outside?
yellow: you wanna know what she told me? she said, "you got any kids, ma'am?" and i told her i had a daughter. (who knows why she would tell her that but i'm glad she did) she said "well when she gets to high school you need to go in that store and buy something for her. they got the dildos that go in the pussy and the ass. you get that for your daughter so she can do it to herself and that way she won't have to go get it from a little boy."

i apologized then laughed. looked at the goth who had been speechless the entire time. then she asked me, "do things like that happen all the time?"

 my honest answer: not really. but i wish they did.

***the goth lasted about three weeks on her own before she got too creeped out to do the job***